I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
