Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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