I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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