he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
