You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
