WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
