P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
