What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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