Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
