awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
