Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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