I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
