I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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