Whod you bang
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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