Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
