meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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