The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
