In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
