I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
