So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
