New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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