I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
