put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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