Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
