and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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