Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
