note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
