he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
