i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
