this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know, be my cock's hype man.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
