I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
