You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
