so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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