zippers are such a cool invention
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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