pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
