How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize