i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
