So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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