i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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