we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
