Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
