Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
