is your mom at the bar?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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