I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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