Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
