the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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