I just saw a hot homeless man
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
