Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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