Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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