Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
