like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
