I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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