Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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