Just fell off a train. Bad.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
