she was so not down for the gang bang
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just pee around me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
