M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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