I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
