i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
