Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
