I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
