and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
