Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
