oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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