dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
