he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
