My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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