i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
