oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
that may or may not have been my penis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
