Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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