those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
