Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
