We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
