just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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