Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize