she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
