Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
