I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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