I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
