I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
