Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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