Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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