you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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