my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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