Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
