dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
