Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
tell me about the fingering
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
