I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
