Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
