First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
