I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
