Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
