My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
