so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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