wat bout pragnant strippers??
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
