Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
