He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
