so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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