Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
