Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
