That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize