I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize