the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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