everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
