I wish I could punch you in the face.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
