Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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